Just what part of "She's not here" do you not understand?

Ding-dong! (NICU doorbell - at 3am)

Me: "Can I help you?"

Him: "I'm looking for my sister, she's in labor."

Me: "This is the Neonatal ICU. Your sister isn't here."

Him: "Where is she, then?"

Me: "She's probably in the birthing center, turn around and go to your right."

Him: "I can't get in there."

Me: "Do you have a visitor pass? You need a visitor pass to open the door."

Him: "There's nobody at the desk." (He must mean the front desk. There's nobody there after midnight)

Me: "You'll have to go to the Emergency Room to get a visitor pass. The security desk in the ER."

Him: "I didn't come in that way. She's 8 cm dilated and she's going to have the baby any minute."

Me: "Is this her first baby?"

Him: "Yes. Can you let me in?"

Me: "I think you have time to go to the ER to get the visitor pass. Besides, she's not in here. This is the Neonatal ICU. We only have premature babies in here. She's probably in the birthing center."

Him: "Where is the birthing center?"

Me: "Turn around and go to your right, but if you don't have a visitor pass, you'll have to go to the ER to get one. I can't open that door from here."

Him: "You're being insensitive to the situation."

The conversation went on for a few more minutes in the same vein and he finally figured out that arguing was getting him nowhere. Or maybe he finally was fully awake. Whatever. I can be pretty darn insensitive some times. I still can't open the door to the birthing center from the NICU no matter how many people ask or how nicely.